everythings gonna get lighter, even if it doesn't get better...

yesterday at this time. i wanted to crawl in a hole somewhere that i could stay until..... eh...may or so.

but this morning... i woke up to lightning and thunder.

sidenote: the worst part of living in an apartment building is that when it rains, you never hear it hit your roof. you definitely hear lots of other things... the neighbors singing, cooking, washing, coming and going or watching their nightly television... even their morning alarms.
it's comforting to know there are people around even though they may not be the people i'd choose to be with at any given time... its nice to know that there are humans dwelling near me... but some days i just want it to be silent.
anyway.
this morning.
i woke up to thunder and got up early. i made this great tea that my good friend stan got me on a business trip. it's loose leaf tea which is my favorite. i drank that and sat on my balcony and watched kansas city get drenched. i asked god to make everything new and i begged that the kids that i teach wouldn't be insane today. i talked to Him about my friends and my family and my students and everything. then i opened up randomly to matthew 11 and read verses 28-30...

"come to me all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens and i will give you rest. take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for i am gentle & humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. for my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

then i sat there and stared for a long time. thats all i needed. just. someone.to.learn.from. &. some rest for my tired soul. everything seemed to get lighter as i sat there watching the cars pass while the sun finally came up.

i continued to school and taught ferocious kids all day screaming about this and that. explaining to me what it meant to be a pimp and singing "because i got high"... along with numerous hugs and "i gotta use it"s. i freaking love those kids, even though sometimes (yesterday) i could easily quit. they literally can make me feel like i'm going insane. but today... jesus just gave me this unmistakable love for them that i just couldn't even ignore.

i feel like they have this huge role in my life.

i watched the sun go down tonight from a table at tea drops, where i still sit. somedays jesus saves me from who i tend to be.. those days seem to make sense to me. they're just better.